Anger and tears, intended to manipulate, have a painful affect on good people and Realtors® are people. We know anger and tears are human conditions which can be two extreme methods of control. The they cause to Realtors® is serious. Everyday, good people are being bullied, badgered, and manipulated by folks who use anger and tears for intentions only they know. Quitting the business is an option to avoid this disrespectful behavior. It’s sad to see good people forced out of earning a living by radical reactions. Why not be kind to ourselves and establish boundaries of tolerance?
Before we build our boundary, let’s agree that anger and tears are rooted in fear. Fear of loss of pride, ego, money, time, prestige, property, perceived safety,…etc. It’s not a lack of empathy to disconnect from participating in the drama. It’s a practice of self respect and preservation. Our ability to be a part of the solution depends on our well being.
Foundation of your boundary: You’re a good person with good intentions. You’re smart. You have a family who cares who you be.
First layer of the boundary: This exists to give time between a person’s reaction and your participation in the conversation. It makes it clear that you are in the solution circle and not in the conflict battle ground.
Upper layers of the boundary: Make it evident so there isn’t any confusion that the boundary exists and it’s firm.
Clear messages on the outside of the Boundary: For communication to licensees, you are well within you right to require Notices and Amendments for communicating desires of parties. Phone calls, texts, emails, do not have to be permitted from licensees who have proven they intend to intimidate. In person meetings with customers and clients are more likely to be civilized. It takes a special person to be uncivil in person…and those folks might be better served by someone who isn’t you.
Cooler heads are able to resolve problems caused by hot heads. When necessary, retreat inside of your boundary and let the situation calm down. Be careful with contingency deadlines. Anticipate that the closer we get to closing the more anxiety unfulfilled contingencies generate. Follow the terms of the contract. This is the agreement the parties committed to. Be willing to let people walk away. The less attached we are to outcomes and more focused we are to the terms, the less stress we will absorb.
You can be the cooler head. You’re smart, talented, and deserving of a career you can be proud of.