Happiness lives on the other side of fear

Fear of falling increases with altitude. At one foot I have no fear. At 10 feet I begin to get cautious. At 15, I’m afraid. The tipping point to fear is about 11 1/2 feet when I have one foot on a rung and the other foot reaching for the next.

Last week when I first attempted to climb I almost quit. The job appeared big as well as high. With a little guidance from a guy who knows something about ladders, I managed to begin cleaning and staining the highest points of my house. My fear of falling subsided when I made it past the horizontal mid point. From there I could see the end. I also discovered that my chance of completing this job without a tragedy were higher than my mind told me when I first inched my way up to the top.  I realized a life lesson as the fear of failure evaporated and the feeling of happiness of completing a job I thought could not be done was within reach. Happiness is on the other side of fear, and fear has its place.

Fear is a choice. Once we decide if fear will keep us planted where we are, run,  or inspire us to proceed with caution, we have a commitment to make. Reminding ourselves there is happiness to be had we press on learning to navigate in the risky areas. Sooner than we might expect, the fear gives way to confidence (and a healthy respect for the real danger) and confidence with competence takes us to the goal. Even if happiness is fleeting, it may be worth overcoming the fear to feel the happiness.

Cooler Heads Prevail

Anger and tears, intended to manipulate, have a painful affect on good people and Realtors® are people. We know anger and tears are human conditions which can be two extreme methods of control. The they cause to Realtors® is serious. Everyday, good people are being bullied, badgered, and manipulated by folks who use anger and tears for intentions only they know. Quitting the business is an option to avoid this disrespectful behavior. It’s sad to see good people  forced out of earning a living by radical reactions. Why not be kind to ourselves and establish boundaries of tolerance?

Before we build our boundary, let’s agree that anger and tears are rooted in fear. Fear of loss of pride,  ego, money, time, prestige, property, perceived safety,…etc. It’s not a lack of empathy to disconnect from participating in the drama. It’s a practice of self respect and preservation. Our ability to be a part of the solution depends on our well being.

Foundation of your boundary: You’re a good person with good intentions. You’re smart. You have a family who cares who you be. 

First layer of the boundary: This exists to give time between a person’s reaction and your participation in the conversation. It makes it clear that you are in the solution circle and not in the conflict battle ground.

Upper layers of the boundary: Make it evident so there isn’t any confusion that the boundary exists and it’s firm.

Clear messages on the outside of the Boundary:  For communication to licensees, you are well within you right to require Notices and Amendments for communicating desires of parties. Phone calls, texts, emails, do not have to be permitted from licensees who have proven they intend to intimidate. In person meetings with customers and clients are more likely to be civilized. It takes a special person to be uncivil in person…and those folks might be better served by someone who isn’t you.

Cooler heads are able to resolve problems caused by hot heads. When necessary, retreat inside of your boundary and let the situation calm down. Be careful with contingency deadlines. Anticipate that the closer we get to closing the more anxiety unfulfilled contingencies generate. Follow the terms of the contract. This is the agreement the parties committed to. Be willing to let people walk away. The less attached we are to outcomes and more focused we are to the terms, the less stress we will absorb.

You can be the cooler head. You’re smart, talented, and deserving of a career you can be proud of.

 

 

Choose To Fight or To Understand

Memorable outcomes of my fights to be right serve a purpose when I look at them and ask, “What did you learn?” It’s so easy to rush to battle, and so admirable to watch people who first seek to understand and then to be understood (Melanie Trump said that…no she didn’t, Steven Covey did in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People).

The art of understanding is in listening. When I’ve been most respectful I am shown the the feelings rooted in fear which may be a contributor to an attitude of battle. Respect is served with space and patience. In my rushing to results days, impatience bowls through the space and rumbles over respect. I know what patience looks like and accomplishes.  I’ve seen admirable patience in my sons, young people who let go, seniors who know what life is about, and other well adjusted people who probably have faith in the power of Karma.

I was just told that a person believes I’m not trying hard enough. She may be right. Trying hard is not a path I will walk.  I’m being patient. I’m being gentle. I’m listening and understanding. It’s freedom to be at peace with the world. I choose to not fight today. Let’s see if the universe accepts patience. I believe it does.

The Enemy of Creativity is Fear: Or Good Stuff From Seth Godin

Embrace fear and wrap it in creativity. Use fear to improve your creative idea, not to extinguish it.

Great ideas become popular internet Apps, inventions, tools to improve life, amazing books, and movies. Chances are the person credited with the Great Idea probably wasn’t the first to imagine the potential. What the person who made it happen did was overcome fear. Fear is placed in our minds by imagining the idea will fail, be rejected, we’ll be ridiculed. Kind of funny to think that the same idea we imagine to be clever and worthwhile has two faces. One bright and optimistic, the other gloom and doom.

People who set out to make a difference have fear nipping at their heals right up to the date of launch. What they do that allows them to move forward is probably a combination of ignoring the fear and embracing it. Fear embraced for what it is helps the creative person think about areas of opportunity, weakness, areas to be enhanced. When fear derails a creative idea fear succeeds in undermining a person’s pride, ego, confidence. commitment, desire to make a difference. Want to try it? Think of a social issue and suggest a creative solution to friends. They will show you what you should fear. Suggest a business idea to your spouse. If you get an enthusiastic “let’s do it!” you’re one of the fortunate few.

Seth Godin points out that the enemy of Fear is Creativity. Willing to learn from failure allows a person to be creative in face of fear. Fear can not stand up to creativity. Creativity will attract creative people.

Embrace fear. Be creative. Be as fearless as a child who only knows imagination. Wrap that fear in creativity.